I recently had my website redesigned by Sisarina, Inc. Although the domain name is the same, I’m no longer using WordPress as my blogging platform. As such, you might need to resubscribe via Google Reader or sign up for an RSS feed to get my most recent posts.

To see my new site, click here.

Hope you like the redesign as much as I do, and my apologies for making you resubscribe.

xoxo, City Girl

Me: So, we’re not a couple because anytime we saw each other, I was always in a relationship or getting over someone?

Philly Matt: Yes.

I started to think about the past four years. After Philly Matt and I broke up, I had gotten back with Baseball Boy during the end of 2006, spent 2007-2008 with Lawyer Boy, and dated “Buckeyes” Boy in 2009. I guess Matt was right! Huh.

Me: So…you would’ve been open to getting back together?

Philly Matt: Look. You know me. I always just go with the flow.

Me: But, if I had been open, then you would’ve been?

Philly Matt: Of course.

Me: Okay, now I’m the one who is confused! If we had tried to date again, wouldn’t you be worried that we would ruin the friendship?

Philly Matt: No. It’s us. We’ll always be friends. I told you that when we talked last month.

Me: Yeah, but don’t you think getting in a relationship might change that, especially if it didn’t work out?

Philly Matt: Not with us, given how long we’ve known each other.

Me: Huh. [Pause.] Well, say that wasn’t a problem. What about the fact that you don’t want to have any more children?

Philly Matt: Why is that a problem?

Me: Well, you’re already a Dad and I want to be a Mom.

Philly Matt: Okay.

[Rather long pause. We both seem confused by this point.]

Me: You said you didn’t want any more kids. And, I want to adopt a kid.

Philly Matt: Well, that’s not a problem.

Me: It’s not?

Philly Matt: I just don’t want to sire another kid.

Me: I thought that you just didn’t want another kid period.

Philly Matt: I don’t want to have my own biologically. [Pause.] Wait a minute; you actually think that I wouldn’t be supportive if you have a child?

Me: No. I don’t doubt that you’ll be supportive. You already have been. But, there’s a big difference between supportive of me as a friend and supporting me if I’m a single mother whose daughter has no father in her life.

Philly Matt: You really think I wouldn’t be there for you both?

Me: Really?

Philly Matt: I hope you know me better than that. It might not be my preference, but I’ve never shied away from dating women with children.

Me: But those kids tended to have fathers so there’s a difference. [Pause.] You’d really be up for all of that with me, though, if we were dating? You know how psycho I’ll be if I adopt. [In that context, I used the word, “psycho,” to indicate that I will raise my daughter to be the most entitled girl in the world.]

Philly Matt: Of course I do. If we’re together, we’re together. Now and then, I’ll just have to take Nutter to the water and we can sit and get away from it all. [We laugh.]

Me: So pretty much all of the reasons to explain why I thought we weren’t together aren’t really reasons?

Philly Matt: Pretty much.

Me: Wow! I wish I had known this like a month ago.

Philly Matt: What’s different about a month ago?

Me: Well, a month ago, I wasn’t with Mr. Exec and you hadn’t met Tammy yet.

Philly Matt: What would you have done differently if they weren’t in the picture?

Me: Hmm…I guess I would have pitched that we spend a weekend together — just the two of us without any of our mutual friends. That way we could figure out without distractions if it would work for us to date again.

Philly Matt: That would have been a good idea.

Me: Well, I guess that everything will work out as it’s meant to. And, if we find ourselves not dating Mr. Exec and Tammy in a few weeks, we’ll see.

Philly Matt: Yes, we will.

I hung up the phone and found myself a bit melancholy. On the one hand, I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with Philly Matt. But, on the other, I wished that I had known all of this earlier before the situation became even more complicated.

When I told my friend, AP, about our conversation, she asked if when Philly Matt and I were going to spend the weekend together.

Me: Well, I owe it to Mr. Exec to see if he follows through. Especially since he pitched a personal and a professional relationship. And, Matt finally likes another girl for the first time since we broke up. It wouldn’t be fair of me to make a play for him now after all these years. Whatever’s meant to be will.

And, I believed that, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t cursing the timing of it all.

So…the lab finally got back to us with the results. You’re HER2 positive. [HER2 is one of the most aggressive forms of breast cancer.]

Me: I had a feeling.

We decided that I would have a mediport installed on Friday, September 17th. [A mediport is a device that’s implanted under the skin and allows easy access to your veins.] And then, she scheduled me for my first of six chemotherapy sessions on Tuesday, September 21st.

When I hung up the phone, I leaned against the window of an empty storefront and sobbed for a few minutes. You know those cries where your whole body shakes? Yeah, it was that kind of cry.

Two people walked by me. I sensed that they wanted to stop, but didn’t know what to say. I guess that I didn’t know what to say either. (Well, besides the word, “fuck.”)

I haven’t cried that much since Friday, but I feel unsettled. I’m starting chemo tomorrow. There are days in which I love watching the clock move forward hour-by-hour. But, I’m watching the hours pass today as though I’m waiting for the bell to toll.

I don’t want chemo. At all.

I don’t want to worry about how my already weakened immune system will react to chemotherapy. I don’t want to be more nauseous than I already am on a given week. I don’t want to wonder if I’ll fall within the 15% of people who lose their hair on this type of treatment.

Did I mention that I don’t want it?

On the night after I got the port put in, my man came over to my place. The port surprisingly hurts a lot, and he’s never seen me in this much pain. I was in so much pain that I didn’t even want to orgasm or have sex. Me!

Me: You realize that this is going to get a lot worse, right?

Him: Yes, and I’ll be here for you.

Me: I just feel really vulnerable now. Like I don’t want cancer to be the reason why we don’t work out.

Him: That’s not going to happen.

Me: If I’m bald?

Him: I’ll help you find a hot wig. Some look that you’ve always wanted to try. You are going to look sexy no matter what!

Me [smiling as I bury my head in his chest]: Maybe…what if I lose my sex drive?

Him: That’s not going to happen with you.

Me [laughing out loud]: Misty joked that if I lose my sex drive I would still have a normal person’s drive.

Him: Exactly. And, if you lose your drive, then it just means that I have to work harder.

I kissed him, as I fought back tears. It must be karma or God’s way of balancing my life out that in the midst of fighting cancer, my relationship with my man and my blog are better than ever!

As I think about the months that lie ahead, I can’t help but feel grateful for early diagnosis and great medical care. I realize that there could have been a much different ending to this story. I also appreciate that the treatment that I will undergo in the coming months is to ensure that I’ll be around for decades to come. I owe it to myself, my loved ones and the child I will adopt to be as strong as I can and do whatever possible to live a very long life.

Yesterday, I was interviewed for a breast cancer documentary. The producers asked me how breast cancer affected me and three words came to mind:

Vanity; Advocacy and Humanity.

I feel blessed to have such an outpouring of support from friends and readers. On the advocacy front, I know that I will be doing more with the issue of toxic ingredients in sex toys. I’m a sex blogger with breast cancer and a penchant for helping others. I anticipate speaking out about the use of cancer-causing phthalates in adult toys…under my real name.

But first, I need to kick this cancer thing. And, vanity requires me to do that with my own long red locks.

xoxo

The whole thing sounds so off-putting to some people, you’d think someone back in the 1950s would have made some twisted B-movie about it. “The Masturbator. Filmed in shocking Perv-O-Vision! A tale of distorted youth gone mad! Too much time on their hands—too many hands on their genitals!”

Detective: “I dunno, Chief. Maybe five, 10 years ago, I could’ve figured where our country was heading. Not any more. These teens, with their leather jackets and motorcycles and marijuana cigarettes and their masturbation. I saw things back in the war. Horrible, unspeakable things. And that all pales in comparison to what this generation does.”

And let’s face it. When it comes to sex toys, the ones designed for men aren’t especially elegant. In fact, I’d say they have a more than a certain stigma attached to them. And I have to admit I’m one of those people who reads words like “masturbation sleeve” and immediately thinks of some fat, sweaty man with thick glasses and greasy hair who still lives with his parents and wears a Members Only jacket and does horrible, horrible things to that sleeve on the darkest of nights. My hand will suffice just fine, thankyouverymuch.

While I think there’s at least a measure of panache surrounding *some* women’s sex toys, men’s sex toys in general just ooze the eew factor. Like if it was capable of talking, it’d say something like:

“Well well well! If it ain’t ol’ dateless! Well, time to grease up, loser!”

A while back, CityGirl asked me to write a guest post about my experiences with anal toys. More recently, she asked me to review another toy: the Tenga Egg. I was only too happy to oblige!

First off, I’m happy to say that the Tenga Egg is here to change your views on male toys. It’s a disposable, discreet sex toy that feels GREAT!

The first thing you’ll notice about the Eggs (particularly if you buy the six-pack with six eggs to choose from) is that they have different textures to tantalize your cock. You can buy them individually, in packs of three, or packs of six. You’d never guess there was a treat for your cock inside. Totally discreet packaging. While I don’t think you’d call it cute, it’s certainly not your everyday male sex toy! Take a look for yourself.

Opening the Egg is easy. You find the perforated seam, and gently peel off the outer wrapper. Once you twist the Egg in half, you’ll find the sleeve that’s going to be sending you into orbit. You’ll also find, inserted into the hollow of the sleeve, a small tube with a packet of lube. It’s an all-in-one product!

Note: I’ve had mixed experiences with Tenga’s lube. On some occasions, it’s just fine. Other times, I’ve felt a very slight burning sensation right at the opening of the urethra for about a minute. I’ve read similar complaints on the Internet. You may want to use your own lube.

Pour some lube in, squeeze the Egg and roll it gently between your palms to spread it, and go to work!

What I like about the Egg is that I can control the exact amount of pressure and *where* I put that pressure. Plus, the material conducts body heat, so you’re enveloping your bad boy in a nice, warm, squishy… oh, who am I kidding? It’s still a surrogate pussy. But I really like the fact that I can choose not only which texture I’d like, but I can also be in complete control as to how I use it.

You’ll probably work it up and down with your fist like when you normally masturbate, but I found a nice alternative in gripping my penis with a downward grip and holding it like I was writing with a pen. This still gave *incredible* sensations to the head, but also allowed me to put all those pleasure nubs and ridges to work against my shaft.

Now, one thing you may find out is that the Egg might be somewhat, ahem, small for you, and I’m not saying that to be boastful, but simply to point out you may honestly have the same issue I was having. I was able to work it all the way down towards the base of my shaft, but I honestly kept wondering how well the material was going to hold up before my head decided it wanted to make a break for it (and I’ve read that if you use the Egg for more than a few uses—which I do NOT suggest personally—it *will* break at some point).

I was honestly half-tempted to stroke towards the base of my cock and then let go, just to see if it’d fling into the air like in those old Wile E. Coyote cartoons where he’d use those massive rubber bands to propel himself towards the Road Runner! But in all seriousness, focus on your head and upper penis when you use it, and you’ll be fine.

To be honest, most of the Eggs I used (there’s six different textures) felt about equally good. The leader of the pack, for me, was the Stepper. I particularly liked this one because the pleasure nubs felt great against my shaft, particularly the underside. No other Egg gave me those sensations the Stepper did. And the climax was *particularly* great! I grunted and moaned with pleasure, my toes curled, I was short of breath for a few minutes, my skin was aglow, I had that incredibly relaxed, happy feeling going on for a while, the whole shebang. If you only want to buy one to start out with, this is the one you want!

I had mixed experiences with the Spider (note to Tenga’s marketing division: arachnids are NOT something most guys want to think about while passionately touching their glands!). The first time I used it, it was fantastic, and had absolutely incredible sensations around the head of my cock! I bought another one, and something weird happened. I climaxed twice, back to back (which I have *never* done before!), only both climaxes were utterly devoid of any sort of pleasurable feeling, if you can believe it. Totally weird! Don’t know how much of that was the Spider’s fault, but I’d still recommend that as a backup toy.

The great thing about the Egg is that there’s very little aftercare and cleanup. Like I said, you really don’t want to reuse these. Just pull the Egg off your spent member, put it back in the shell, seal it shut, and toss it! No fuss, no muss.

I personally like the Eggs much, much better than similar toys like the Fleshlight (you can find my review of that as a comment in CityGirl’s excellent post about that toy). There’s a variety of sensations, not much in the way of aftercare, and they’re inexpensive.

While I have to say that the Egg isn’t going to become a regular indulgence (the hand is free, it’s convenient, and it’s always around), I can happily recommend it, and there will definitely be additional purchases in my future!

When I awoke several hours later, I felt unsettled.  I didn’t regret having sex with him, but I worried that we weren’t really on the same page.  I decided to text him the following message:

Hope your meeting went well!  I had a great time last night, although I’m really hoping that you feel the same way in the light of day…xoxo

Mr. Exec: Meeting did go well.  Thanks for asking.  And, I enjoyed our night together.  We can talk more about everything when I get back.

Umm…that didn’t sound promising.

Me: Talk more?  About what?  (You know that patience is not one of my virtues.)

Rather than texting me back, Mr. Exec called me.  Within 60 seconds, I questioned whether he felt the same way that he had last night.

Mr. Exec: Well, you said that you didn’t care, but then got upset that I wasn’t there for you.  We need to talk about that!

Me: You mean when I had a concussion?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: I’m past that.  Why aren’t you?

Mr. Exec: You said that I wasn’t there for you and that angered me.  You told me you had no expectations, but clearly you did!

I stared at the phone with a confused expression on my face.  Why was this even an issue at this point?

Me: You weren’t there for me back then.  But, from what we talked about last night, you won’t let that happen again.  I trust you and think we can just move forward if we feel the same about each other.

Mr. Exec: But, we can’t go forward without talking about what happened.  You said you weren’t mad at me, but obviously you were.

Me: I wasn’t.  I was disappointed, but I’m over it.  I didn’t realize that I still had feelings for you until I saw you at Ceiba.

We went back and forth like that for a few more minutes.  I wanted him to reaffirm that he wanted to be with me, and that last night wasn’t directly attributed to his scotch consumption or loneliness.  But, he didn’t necessarily do that.  He promised to call me when he returned from his trip to New York, saying that we would see each other soon.  I hung up with Mr. Exec without a definitive answer to my initial text, which didn’t sit well with me.

Later in the day, I was on the telephone with my ex-boyfriend and close friend, Philly Matt.  I updated him on what had happened since my date with Best Boy and Mr. Exec.

Me: I’m not sure if Mr. Exec and I are a couple or not, but I feel like I’ll know for sure when he gets back from New York.

Philly Matt: Just be careful.

Me: I will.  And, it’s not like I’m sweating him, but he said a lot of stuff last night that was promising.  Then today, he seemed less interested. I’ll know soon enough. Are you still going up to see Tammy for Memorial Day weekend?

Philly Matt: Yep.

Me: Cool!  I hope that you have fun.  It sounds like you really like her!

Philly Matt: Yeah, but it’s not like I’ve even spent time one-on-one with her, though.

Me: I know, but your voice sounds different when you talk about her.

Philly Matt: I don’t know about that, but we’ll see.

Me: So, the real reason I called, other than catching up with you, is because of my recent posts about us.  Have you read them?

Philly Matt: Yes.

Me: Everyone LOVES Philly Matt, huh?

Philly Matt: Well, I’m a lovable guy.

Me [laughing with him]: Yes, you are, baby!  [Pause.]  So, I’ve gotten quite a few comments and emails from people asking why we aren’t together.  And, I thought I’d write a post to address that.  But, this time I wanted to check with you first so I can include your reasons, too.

[Uncomfortable silence.]

You there? Did I catch you off guard?

Philly Matt: A little, but I’m good.

Me: Well, I didn’t want to write the post without talking to you first.  Unlike that other time.  [We laugh.]  So, why would you say we aren’t together?

Philly Matt: Well…every time we’ve see each other over the past few years, you’ve either been with someone or getting over someone.

Me: True.  But, it’s more than that, right?

Philly Matt: Not really.

Me: So…the only reason that we’re not together is because of…me?

Philly Matt: Pretty much.

Wow! I didn’t see that coming! I had always thought that Philly Matt and I weren’t together because of how we both felt about each other.  My mind was scrambling as I thought about what to say next.

To be continued…

Do the higher prices of body-friendly adult products turn you more off than on?

Do you like your toys to be waterproof?

Do you need a product that’s inexpensive and portable for a weekend getaway?

Are you looking for a toy for one-time use that’s disposable?

If you’ve answered “Yes” to any of those questions, then let me have the pleasure of introducing you to Innervibe and its products!

Established in 2004, Innervibe is a US toy company with a commitment to promoting sensuality and passion. Innervibe products are made with a phthalate-free elastomer known as Opulux. Opulux is body-friendly and non-toxic, and the exclusive material feels very smooth to the touch.

Lotus Blooms offers three Innervibe toys:

The Nanovibe personal massager

The 2.0 vibrating cock ring

The Duet Double Pleasure vibrating cock ring

All of the products are body-safe, stretchy, waterproof, powerful, disposable and economical.

“How economical?” you might be wondering.

The most expensive of the three products, the Duet Double Pleasure, is only $12.95. Sex toys are rarely good for your body and your budget, but these are the exception!

What are the differences between the three products?

The Nanovibe is a tiny finger massager that can be used by women or couples. Remove the plastic tube from the inside of the toy and slip the tip of your finger in it. (When I say the tip, I really mean just the tip. If you put it past your nail bed, it will feel uncomfortable on your finger.) Using a finger from your other hand, press the bottom of the vibrating insert inside of the personal massager to start the toy. You’ll need to press and hold it firmly for several seconds so that it turns on and stays on.

Then, take your finger and place the Nanovibe on top of your clit and feel how strong the vibrations are. You can use the toy by yourself, in the shower or bath, or with a partner. I found it most effective for added clitoral stimulation during intercourse. My man placed the Nanovibe on the tip of his finger and then on my clit while he was on top of me, thrusting. The Nanovibe’s vibrations on my clit definitely heightened the sexual experience for me!

The 2.0 vibrating cock ring and the Duet Double vibrating cock ring are great for couple’s use. When you take the ring out of the package, don’t be concerned about the size. The ring looks small, but when you pull it with both hands, you’ll realize how stretchy it is and how large it can expand. The vibrating core inside both rings operates in the same manner as the vibrator inside the Nanovibe so remember to press the core firmly and hold for a few seconds.

With the 2.0 cock ring, you can position the side with the vibrating core facing up and away from the shaft for clitoral stimulation during sex. Or, you can switch the ring so that the vibrating core is facing down away from the shaft to pulsate against the man’s balls and the woman’s ass during sex. I found it especially pleasurable for clitoral stimulation when I was on top or when my man was behind me in a doggy-style position.

The Duet Double ring has the added advantage that the clit, balls and anus can be stimulated simultaneously. You don’t have to decide which way to position the vibrating core since the Duet Double ring contains one vibrating core on the top of the toy and a second core on the bottom. For only $2.95 more, why not maximize your pleasure with the Duet Double ring?

The cock rings can be used with or without condoms. If you require lubrication, stick to water-based lubricant that won’t interfere with the medical-grade silicone that’s used in Innervibe’s products.

What didn’t I like about the Innervibe toys that I tried?

Innervibe’s strength is also its weakness since its products are designed for one-time use. After 30 minutes, the vibrations just stopped. We kept playing with the cock ring for another 10 minutes and got a little more juice out of it, but by that point, the ring had lost much of its power.

In addition, moving the ring after it’s positioned can be uncomfortable for the man. Lotion, or soap and water can be helpful to remove the ring when you’re finished without irritating the skin.

Who should consider purchasing an Innervibe product?

Innervibe’s toys are great for both first-timers and regular toy users. If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to invest in a more expensive toy, Innervibe provides an easy way to dip your…umm, feet?…in the adult toy waters.

Innervibe products are also beneficial for those of you who engage in sex with more than one partner and like to bring toys into the mix. You won’t have to worry about breaking out your toy cleaner after having sex. Instead, you can just break out a different, inexpensive toy with each partner, and dispose of the toy when you’re done.

For those of you who like a toy that’s portable and easy to bring on trips, Innervibe products come in a small packet that fits in the palm of your hand. They are perfect for travel!

The vibrations are strong, the materials are soft and body-friendly, and the price is beyond right. The only negative to Innervibe’s products is that they only last for 30 minutes. But, if a toy can get me off more than once in 30 minutes, then I can only complain so much ;).

Four (very enthusiastic) Squeals!

City Girl’s Squeals of Approval Chart:

1 Squeal: Bad. This toy is not worth your money. Do not pass go! Do not pay $2, let alone $200.
2 Squeals: Slightly Sub-Par. You won’t hate this toy, but you won’t necessarily like it either.
3 Squeals: Average/Good. This toy might not be the most innovative or satisfying, but it serves its purpose.
4 Squeals: Very good. A strong sex toy with minimal negatives that will be part of your regular line-up.
5 Squeals: Great. No toy does it better!

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the InnerVibe toys free of charge from Lotus Blooms in exchange for my honest review of the products.

Did we need to talk more about where this – us – was going before having sex?

Should I judge him based on how he acted in the past or what he was saying in the present?

Were we really a couple now?

It didn’t help that Mr. Exec made me feel inexperienced.

“Inexperienced?!? You must be joking, City Girl!” you might be exclaiming incredulously as you read this.

I’m not. Mr. Exec has a very commanding presence and a controlling nature. In bed, that made me feel somewhat vulnerable. (I like my men to be dominant and experienced, but Mr. Exec was almost too dominant and experienced!) I exhaled for a minute and asked myself if I really wanted to have sex with him. And, I did.

Was it my best performance? No, it wasn’t. The blend of nerves, exhaustion (it was now 3:00am), and my concern about where this was going didn’t make for a stellar sexual experience. It had also been a while since I had traditional or anal sex. (Tight is sexy. Too tight isn’t, at least for the female.) I was glad that I had waited almost six months to get over the “Buckeyes” Boy debacle, but that definitely compounded the nerves.

Mr. Exec and I had very strong chemistry, and there were some moments that were amazingly hot and intense. But, I strive for perfection, and I had to remind myself that it was okay if it wasn’t the best sex right out of the gate.

A few other things stood out about my first time with Mr. Exec. See…he likes to be called, “Daddy,” in the bedroom. Seriously. For example:

Me: More, Mr. Exec, more.

Mr. Exec: More, Daddy.

And, he wouldn’t do more until I said, “Daddy.”

Or, following oral sex and several orgasms in a row, he would demand that I say:

Thank you, Daddy.

I’m all for bringing role playing and dirty talk into the bedroom, but I have a biological “Daddy.” I didn’t need or want a “Daddy” in the bedroom since that seemed warped to me. I went along with it for this evening since it was our first time, but I had a feeling that I was going to address his “Daddy” fetish and my lack thereof when we saw each other next.

Mr. Exec also enjoyed using certain terms in the bedroom that made me uncomfortable. While we were having sex, he referred to me as a: slut; whore; and bitch. When a man utters those words to a woman, that just hits me as misogynistic. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it, and so, I just kept riding him. I didn’t condone his use of those terms, but I wasn’t about to get into a discussion as to why they made me cringe while we were having sex.

Despite Mr. Exec’s questionable dirty talk, I surprisingly felt calm as he held me as we fell asleep. My mind had been swirling earlier, but I just let that all go.

Last year, when I talked about “our bed,” I referred to my bed with “Buckeyes” Boy. Times were changing, and for all the unknowns about my future with Mr. Exec, I had no regrets about that evening.

Post Script: I recently learned from a friend who also uses words like, “slut” and “whore,” in the bedroom what he and Mr. Exec meant by those terms. Apparently, it refers to the fact that a guy views his female partner not as a “slut” or “whore” in general, but that he likes the fact that she acts like a “slut” or “whore” in the bedroom for her man. It reminds me of that line from Usher’s song, “Yeah:”

We want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed.

I now have a better understanding of the intention in using those words as part of dirty talk, but that doesn’t mean I like them. How do you feel about the use of those terms in the bedroom?

Me: I’m sorry I can’t promise not to blog about you. That’s what I do.

Mr. Exec: I’m a very private person, and I need to know that what I say and do around you won’t show up in your blog.

Me: I respect that you are a private person, but have you ever actually read my blog?

Mr. Exec: No.

Me: I’m a storyteller. I’m all about the details. You’re asking me to change what I do right at the point when my blog might be turning into something bigger? You went to my Blog Party. You knew what I was doing!

Mr. Exec: And, I’m happy for you. But, I just don’t want you writing about me.

Me: But, you want to date me and be in my bed? Writing about that stuff is what I do!

We spoke more about my blog and my readers, and then Mr. Exec asked me to leave a specific matter out of the blog.

Me: I’m fine with leaving that out.

Mr. Exec: Good. But, I don’t want stuff that happens in our bed to be a topic for your blog. That’s private…between us.

Me: What’s with the ‘our bed’ talk? So, we’re doing this? We’re really getting back together and going to be a couple?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me [Long Pause]: Then, I might be willing to write about our bedroom activities without as much detail as I normally do. I’m not sure. I’ll need to see how things with us go and how it works to change my style a bit. I’ll definitely leave out what we discussed, though. I get that. And, I can also send you posts before I put them up so you can see what I wrote. Does that sound okay for now and then we can talk more about this when I get closer to blogging about our earlier dates?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

We kissed again, and it felt different. We always had passion together, but now, it felt sweeter and more solid.

He moved down the bed so that his head was between my legs and starting going down on me.

Mr. Exec [coming up for air]: Did you miss this?

Me: Definitely. You know I love when you do that, baby! [If I had an Oral Olympics, Mr. Exec and Lawyer Boy would be neck and neck – or tongue and tongue? – for the Gold Medal!]

Twenty minutes and several orgasms later, it was my turn to reciprocate. In between kisses and oral, Mr. Exec said:

I hated that you said I wasn’t there for you.

Me: But, you weren’t.

Mr. Exec: I never want to be that guy with anyone, especially you.

Me: I know you don’t. And, I know that you won’t be like that again.

Mr. Exec: You made me so mad when you said that I was there for my friends, but not for you.

Me: I know I did. But, I know that’s not how you are fundamentally. If I thought that was who you were, you wouldn’t be in my bed right now.

Mr. Exec: I’m always there for the people I care about! Always!

Me: I know. You weren’t for me that one time, and I know that it will never happen again.

Mr. Exec: It won’t.

The topic changed to upcoming events, and he asked:

How are you going to be at events with all these women approaching me?

Me: Will they know that we’re a couple?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: Then, I’ll be fine. As long as we’re on the same page and they know that we’re together, I won’t freak out or need to be all up on you. I’d only get that way if they didn’t know about us.

Mr. Exec: You know if I’m flirting with older women that it’s just business. I’ll never lie to you and I’ll never let you down.

Me: Yes, baby, I know. Business is just business. And, I will always support you professionally. We both have very expensive tastes! [We laugh.] Are you going to be fine with me flirting with other guys?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: That’s good because it’s not like I’m a wallflower. So…we’re doing this? We’re going public as a couple? You’re okay letting your many fans know that we’re together?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

He kissed me, and then we let the discussions about the relationship and blog go. I hadn’t had sex with anyone since “Buckeyes” Boy because I wasn’t ready to do so. Until now.

To be continued…

Me: I noticed on Facebook that you had some meetings at USAID. What’s going on with them?

Mr. Exec told me about a project that he was trying to get involved in. If it worked out as he was hoping it would, he’d be doing a lot of traveling.

Me: That’s great! Where to?

Mr. Exec: Well, first I’d be heading to Hong Kong and then several countries in South America. The details are still be finalized, but if we come to an agreement, I’d like to write you into the deal for South America.

Me: What do you mean?

Mr. Exec: You. Me. South America. [He names several South American countries like he's in a Geography class. I realize that he's rather buzzed, but I’m intrigued and want to hear more.]

Me [laughing out loud]: Okay. What exactly would we be doing there, and why would you want me there with you?

Mr. Exec then described the work that I had done as an attorney, my ongoing commitment to the causes I care about, and what I would be able to add to this specific project. I honestly didn’t realize that he knew me and my background as well as he did. I was impressed and flattered.

Me: Thanks. That would definitely be something that I’m interested in. Would it be one long trip or four small ones?

Mr. Exec: Four small ones.

Me [pausing]: I’d have to check with my doctors, but that might be doable. Especially if the trips would be spread out. [Traveling often requires me to get IVs so it’s not something that I do often anymore for the fun of it.]

Mr. Exec: How is everything going health-wise?

Me: Things have been pretty good, but I have to see my neurosurgeon since some of that stuff is getting worse. I also found a lump.

Mr. Exec [interrupting out of concern]: In your breast?

Me: Yes. I’ve had several lumps before so it’s not a big deal, but my doctors usually take them out. If everything with my health is okay, then I’d love to get involved in the project. [This occurred back in late May, and as many of you know, it wasn't benign.]

Mr. Exec: Well, let me know what the doctors say. I’ll be praying that everything is okay.

He seemed protective of me, and I found myself liking that.

Me: Since it’s pretty late, want to get some sleep?

Mr. Exec followed me into the bedroom. I went into the bathroom to change into a shirt and shorts. When I got into bed, my dog, Nutter, would not move from in between Mr. Exec and me. It was like she knew what had happened in the past and was holding a grudge against him.

Me: Nutter is giving you no love, huh? [We laugh.] Goodnight.

Mr. Exec: Turn around and give me a goodnight kiss. [I turn around to give him the quickest kiss possible, and roll back over on my side.] No, I want a real goodnight kiss.

I turned over and really kissed him. His kiss was as good as I remembered with just the right amount of tongue and intensity. We talked between kisses:

Mr. Exec: I missed you.

Me: That’s nice to hear.

Mr. Exec: Did you miss me?

Me: No.

Mr. Exec: I know you missed me.

Me: I didn’t.

Mr. Exec: Yes, you did. It’s okay to admit it.

Me: Well…maybe a little. [I smile.]

Mr. Exec: I know you did.

Me: You’re here, aren’t you? You wouldn’t be if I didn’t miss you at all.

I rolled over so that I was on top of him, as we continued to make out. I took off my shirt and my bra, as he said:

What happens in our bed stays in our bed. Our relationship is special and private. It is not to be shared with your readers, even though you might think that they deserve to know. They don’t.

Whoaaaaa! Our bed? Our relationship? Where did that come from? And, I wasn’t supposed to blog about it! Was he kidding? I had a feeling that this was going to be a long night.

To be continued…

I wasn’t over Mr. Exec.

“Why was that fact surprising?” you might wonder.

Well, my litmus test for caring about a guy is shedding tears. And, despite my disappointment at Mr. Exec’s failure to follow through on being there for me after my concussion, I hadn’t shed a single tear over him. I didn’t even particularly like him (or so I had thought).

I tried to will myself to feel attracted to Best Boy since he was the kinder and better guy. But, I just didn’t. Find me a handsome black man who is controlling and narcissistic, and I’ll be a moth to his flame any day. I knew that there was a risk of being burned, but I felt like there was another chapter to my relationship tales with Mr. Exec.

I exhaled and picked up my phone to text Mr. Exec:

Thank you again for dinner! It was great seeing you tonight. Did you make it home safely?

For the next hour, we exchanged rather innocuous texts. Neither of us brought up the past, instead choosing to talk about the present. Nothing was overtly sexual, and yet, I knew with 100% certainty that we would be together again.

During the middle of our text exchange, I received a text from Best Boy that he had gotten home. I thanked him for a wonderful evening, and as I texted both of them, I again wished that the two of them could be somehow joined together as one. I just know that Mr. Best and I could be a great couple ;).

A few days later, I was at Ted Gibson Salon, getting my hair, nails and makeup done before an event. I had a new dress for the evening, and lingerie from a fabulous store in downtown DC, Coup de Foudre! As I was getting primped, I started texting: Best Boy; Mr. Exec; and Dutch Boy. (I was feeling rather saucy that night, and apparently, I was also looking to keep my options open.)

My head knew I should try to see Best Boy since that would be the least complicated. But, my heart – or was it my pussy? – prevailed. I hoped to spend some more time with Dutch Boy before he moved back to Amsterdam, but there was only one guy I really wanted to see that night and that was Mr. Exec.

I asked Mr. Exec via text if he was going to be downtown that evening. (He lives and works almost an hour away in Virginia so it’s not a given that he’ll be in my neck of the woods.) Lucky for me, he was en route to DC for a dinner meeting. He suggested that I text him when I was wrapping up at my event, and I did just that.

Mr. Exec: My meeting should be over in an hour or so, and then I’m heading to Bourbon Steak for drinks with another colleague. You should stop by.

Me: I should probably go home and write a post, but why don’t you text me when you’re done? I’ll be up late.

My phone vibrated two hours later with a text from Mr. Exec, asking if I was done with my post and if I wanted to meet him.

Me: I’m almost done. Do you want to come by my place when you’re finished with drinks?

Mr. Exec: That sounds good.

An hour later, I was downstairs walking my dog as Mr. Exec pulled into the driveway. He kissed me hello on the lips gently. He then picked up my dog, called her “Precious,” and started kissing her belly. (My rescue dog, Nutter, is scared of men, and Mr. Exec had never been affectionate with her before. I was rather shocked that she let Mr. Exec do that.)

We walked into my apartment, and although I tried to play it cool as I poured Mr. Exec a glass of white wine, I felt like a nervous high school girl. (Even though Mr. Exec was two years younger than me, he had an air of maturity and experience about him that made it seem as though he was several years older. And yes, even I get nervous at times.)

As I joined Mr. Exec on the couch, I wondered what we would talk about and if he would want to drudge up the concussion incident. I also wondered what, if anything, it meant to have him back in my place. But, I didn’t wonder if we would be sleeping together. I knew without a doubt that we would be.

To be continued…