September 21, 2010
Really bad timing
Mr. Exec and I were dating again – maybe. My ex-boyfriend and close friend, Philly Matt, was heading to New England in a week to visit Tammy. I had always assumed that Philly Matt and I agreed that we were better as friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. It thus caught me off guard to hear him say that we weren’t together because of me.
Me: So, we’re not a couple because anytime we saw each other, I was always in a relationship or getting over someone?
Philly Matt: Yes.
I started to think about the past four years. After Philly Matt and I broke up, I had gotten back with Baseball Boy during the end of 2006, spent 2007-2008 with Lawyer Boy, and dated “Buckeyes” Boy in 2009. I guess Matt was right! Huh.
Me: So…you would’ve been open to getting back together?
Philly Matt: Look. You know me. I always just go with the flow.
Me: But, if I had been open, then you would’ve been?
Philly Matt: Of course.
Me: Okay, now I’m the one who is confused! If we had tried to date again, wouldn’t you be worried that we would ruin the friendship?
Philly Matt: No. It’s us. We’ll always be friends. I told you that when we talked last month.
Me: Yeah, but don’t you think getting in a relationship might change that, especially if it didn’t work out?
Philly Matt: Not with us, given how long we’ve known each other.
Me: Huh. [Pause.] Well, say that wasn’t a problem. What about the fact that you don’t want to have any more children?
Philly Matt: Why is that a problem?
Me: Well, you’re already a Dad and I want to be a Mom.
Philly Matt: Okay.
[Rather long pause. We both seem confused by this point.]
Me: You said you didn’t want any more kids. And, I want to adopt a kid.
Philly Matt: Well, that’s not a problem.
Me: It’s not?
Philly Matt: I just don’t want to sire another kid.
Me: I thought that you just didn’t want another kid period.
Philly Matt: I don’t want to have my own biologically. [Pause.] Wait a minute; you actually think that I wouldn’t be supportive if you have a child?
Me: No. I don’t doubt that you’ll be supportive. You already have been. But, there’s a big difference between supportive of me as a friend and supporting me if I’m a single mother whose daughter has no father in her life.
Philly Matt: You really think I wouldn’t be there for you both?
Me: Really?
Philly Matt: I hope you know me better than that. It might not be my preference, but I’ve never shied away from dating women with children.
Me: But those kids tended to have fathers so there’s a difference. [Pause.] You’d really be up for all of that with me, though, if we were dating? You know how psycho I’ll be if I adopt. [In that context, I used the word, “psycho,” to indicate that I will raise my daughter to be the most entitled girl in the world.]
Philly Matt: Of course I do. If we’re together, we’re together. Now and then, I’ll just have to take Nutter to the water and we can sit and get away from it all. [We laugh.]
Me: So pretty much all of the reasons to explain why I thought we weren’t together aren’t really reasons?
Philly Matt: Pretty much.
Me: Wow! I wish I had known this like a month ago.
Philly Matt: What’s different about a month ago?
Me: Well, a month ago, I wasn’t with Mr. Exec and you hadn’t met Tammy yet.
Philly Matt: What would you have done differently if they weren’t in the picture?
Me: Hmm…I guess I would have pitched that we spend a weekend together — just the two of us without any of our mutual friends. That way we could figure out without distractions if it would work for us to date again.
Philly Matt: That would have been a good idea.
Me: Well, I guess that everything will work out as it’s meant to. And, if we find ourselves not dating Mr. Exec and Tammy in a few weeks, we’ll see.
Philly Matt: Yes, we will.
I hung up the phone and found myself a bit melancholy. On the one hand, I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with Philly Matt. But, on the other, I wished that I had known all of this earlier before the situation became even more complicated.
When I told my friend, AP, about our conversation, she asked if when Philly Matt and I were going to spend the weekend together.
Me: Well, I owe it to Mr. Exec to see if he follows through. Especially since he pitched a personal and a professional relationship. And, Matt finally likes another girl for the first time since we broke up. It wouldn’t be fair of me to make a play for him now after all these years. Whatever’s meant to be will.
And, I believed that, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t cursing the timing of it all.
Grace said,
September 21, 2010 at 11:02 am
Interesting. I’m not sure what I would do in this situation. I would just be really confused but probably leaning towards Philly Matt.
IntrigueMe said,
September 21, 2010 at 1:32 pm
So, last time you broke up with Matt, there were some issues surrounding his job and finances, etc. I’m curious to see if those issues still stand or if they’ve been resolved?
Solo @ 30 said,
September 21, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Wow, my ex and I pretty much had the same conversation a couple months ago. In the end, timing was a huge factor, and we weren’t the best fit together for other reasons too that were still valid. Still having these conversations when there’s not much to done to act on them can be frustrating as anything!